Resolutions

It's that time of year -- we shake off the old and get ready for a new year.  We discuss our new year's resolutions  -- how we aspire to change or make ourselves better.  All of the athletic equipment goes on sale and health clubs have "no joining fees".  Gym rats complain because come Monday, their "spot" will be taken by a newbie.  We resolve to get organized. 

Last year, a friend of mine said that New Year's Resolutions are a great way to say that you aren't good enough.  I decided to ditch the word "resolution" and call it a "commitment".  I decided I would run a race every month in 2011.  I did great until I hurt my foot in July  -- again -- and just got frustrated.  And down on myself.  And feeling that I wasn't good enough.

So, I'm here to call BS on resolutions and commitments and anything else that says "I'm not good enough".  Instead of making commitments to lose weight, work out and get organized, etc....I think we should all look at the ways that we shine -- and just resolve to do that more.  Don't get me wrong...I think it's fine to want to lose weight, get organized, better yourself.  But, don't try to change who you are in pursuit of those things.  I have come to believe that until we are totally comfortable with who we are -- our authentic self -- then it's nearly impossible to change the things that we want to change.

I have been asking myself some questions lately.  What do people like about me?  What do I get compliments on?  What do love doing?

People often comment on my smile.  I'm going to smile more.

People comment on my laugh.  I'm going to laugh more.

People feel welcome in my home.  And, I love having people in my home.  I'm going to have more parties.

I love to sing.  I'm going to sing more.  Not necessarily to perform.  Just around the house, in my car, wherever I am.

I love to take pictures.  My wonderful husband bought me my second Canon Rebel (because I *gasp* lost mine).  I'm going to take more pictures.  I might even take a class (well, I will take a class because I promised I would).

I love to write.  Maybe I'll write more.  Maybe I'll write about more things.  I don't know and I've learned my lesson about making promises to update my blog on a regular basis.

I love to read.  I had forgotten that I love to read, but I do.  I might read more.

I love traveling and seeing new things.  I plan to continue to explore our new surroundings and spending quality time with my family.

I love to be spontaneous.  To just wake up in the morning and say, "hey, let's go do this...".  I love to be able to just invite people over at the last minute.  I want to do that more.

That's a start.  I'm under no pressure to be something I'm not.  I'm just setting the bar higher on the things I love to do anyway.  Call it being more intentional.  If it has to be a resolution, it's this simple:  I'm going to be the best me I can be. 

Happy New Year. 

Hope

This morning, there is a family grieving the loss of their infant baby girl.  Anna Joy was born with a major heart defect.  Just like our son (although not the same defect).  She immediately had to endure a surgery that could potentially save her life -- until the next surgery. Just like our son.  As I have read their blog over the past couple of weeks, I have been overwhelmed by the memories.  I know what it's like to see your baby hooked up to every contraption imagineable.  I know what it's like to watch helplessly as they are wheeled away to surgery.  I know what it's like to be in the hospital during the holidays.  I know what it's like to watch the doctors scratch their heads and declare that there is little more they can do for your baby.  I know what it's like to cry out to God, "Please don't make me bury an infant".  What I don't know is what it's like to come home from the hospital without my baby.  It's times like this that I am overwhelmed with "survivor's guilt".  I've experienced it other times as well as dear friends of mine have lost their children...and each time I wonder why.  Why was their child taken and not mine?  I remember finding very little comfort in well-meaning Christians telling me that God's ways are perfect.  In fact, it makes me mad.  "NO!", I want to scream.  This is not perfect.  Death is not perfect.  The God I believe in is grieving along with me. This was not how it was meant to be.  Creation, as God intended, has been broken. 

I'm not saying that God's ways are not perfect.  As Christians, we believe that He works out all things for good (Romans 8:28).  But, sometimes we cannot see the good, especially when we are in the midst of heartbreak.  I once heard an analogy about a quilt.  We see our lives as the front of the quilt, with just the patterns showing.  But if we look under the backing, we would see all of the threads and knots that were needed to make the finished product.  Still, not much consolation to a grieving parent. 

And, then I remember Christmas.  The day that we celebrate the birth of God's son, who was to be the Savior of the world.  Jesus was sent to right the wrongs and restore all things to perfection - to the way God intended them to be.  To abolish death (2 Timothy 1:10) To give us eternal life so that we would never again have to grieve death (John 3:16).

Does any of this make it easier to grieve the death of a child?  Absolutely not.  But, it gives us hope.  A reminder that there is light in darkness (John 1:15).

Please lift this family up in thought and prayer.  Because as a friend put it, in comparison to this, we don't actually have any problems.  Light a candle tonight and say to the darkness, "we beg to differ" (Mary Jo Leddy).

And then listen to this song, written by a friend of ours, about the love, peace and joy that Jesus brings.

Wish you a merry Christmas - Aaron Spiro

Ronderful Rismastime!

Driving in the car this weekend, we were listening to the local 24 hour Christmas station.  "Blue Christmas" came on and my son asked us to turn the channel.  Upon being questioned as to why in the world he didn't like Elvis, he replied:  "Because he sounds like a mixture of Paul McCartney and Scooby Doo".

Maybe it was funnier in person, but that is Life According to Jake.

December 16

This day has been significant throughout my life for a couple of reasons.  First, it is the day my sister was born. She was my first sibling and I was 9 years old, so it was something I remember very clearly and was a special and exciting day.  My life would never be the same (in a good way, of course).  Happy Birthday, Sis. 

Eleven years later, this date brought another life changing event.  I had been doing a work study job at The Daily Evergreen.  I answered phones, took classified ads and did various odd jobs around the main office.  I got to know several people at the newspaper and even had gone to high school with one of them, so I was friendly with several of the staff members.  But there was this one really cute guy that would walk by, and as big as I smiled at him, he never once paid attention to me.  I also was an avid reader of the opinion column.  A couple of people contributed to it that I really enjoyed reading.  There was one person in particular that I found myself agreeing with all the time and thinking, "I really wish I knew this person".  Then one day, the cute guy came to check out a camera from the front desk.  The office manager was talking to him and as he walked away, she said, "Thanks, Lloyd".  My head snapped around.  That was him.  The guy that I had so enjoyed reading in the newspaper was the same cute guy that I watched walk by my desk every day. 

After that, I started really going out of my way to get his attention.  Looking back, it was a little stalker-ish.  The newspaper recieved a great many promotional CD's for review and we had an auction one day.  I didn't care a bit about the auction, but decided to start bidding on all of the CD's that he was bidding on.  There was one in particular, Lloyd Cole that he kept bidding on.  We were the only two bidding and eventually I ended up winning the CD.  My plan was to strike up a conversation with him about it.  That never really panned out.  Ironically enough, the title of that CD is "Don't Get Weird on me Babe" (which by the way, is a brilliant album that was probably a few years ahead of its time).

After that didn't work, I just got bold.  I figured out which bus he took and I would sit next to him (he never noticed). Instead of just smiling at him when he walked by, I just said a very enthusiast "hi!".  I'm sure he thought I was crazy.  Finally, we started to have short conversations.  One day, I woke up and got really cute for class.  My roommate asked me why and I told her that this was the day Lloyd was going to ask me out.  She looked at me with a little bit of skeptisim (okay, a lot...) and said, "Oh, the guy who doesn't really know who you are?"  Yeah.  That's him.  "Okay", she said....."well, you look cute".

When I got to work, he came by to check his mailbox.  I noticed that he had taken a couple of basketball tickets out of his box.  The conversation went something like this:

Me:  "HI!!!!"
Him: "uh, hi...."
Me:  "What are you doing tonight"?
Him:  "uh....I'm going to a basketball game and then I have band practice"
Me:  "Oh that is SO COOL.  I haven't been to a basketball game yet this year!!!!!!!!"
Him:  Looking at the tickets...."uh....do you want to come?"
Me:  "Well, let me call my roommate -- we had plans tonight but I'm sure she won't mind..."

Remember how I said he probably thought I was crazy?  Well, he may have been on to something.

So, we went to the game.  Afterward, we went to the Combine for coffee (which he made me pay for myself).  We talked about things that never should have been talked about on a first "date" (religion, politics, etc).  And, then I took him to band practice and went home.  On the surface, it was largely uneventful.  But, when I walked in the door, I told my roommate that I'd found the man I was going to marry.  She asked me to please let my boyfriend know because he wouldn't stop calling every 10 minutes. Oh yeah....I had forgotten about him.  I had also forgotten to call my sister on her birthday. 

It was another few months before we actually officially started dating.   But, I always knew he was the one.  Twenty years later, I still know it.  He's my best friend, my partner, my soul mate.

Oh, and we still have that Lloyd Cole CD.

Conspire with me

Let me start out by saying that I am a gift giver.  I love giving presents that bring people joy.  It's my "love language" as they say.  But, every year about this time, I start to go on a rant about consumerism.  This year is  a little bit different though.

I used to be 100% opposed to Black Friday.  I despised all that it stood for and wondered at the irony of how quickly we shift from being thankful to being, well...greedy.  I've been doing more thinking about it recently and while I haven't necessarily changed my position, my outlook has shifted.  I still don't like it.  Especially when I hear stories of people using pepper spray to ensure that they get the product they want.  Or grandfathers being slammed to the ground by police, traumatizing grandchildren.  In fact, the violence this year is reported as being the worst ever.  You begin to wonder if the gifts that people are fighting over will even be remembered by this time next year.  Chances are, they won't.

On the other hand, it is prudent to steward your money wisely.  If you can save 50% on something that you are going to buy anyway, why not take advantage of the sales?  My laptop computer died on the Monday before Thanksgiving.  I need a new one because I use my computer to work from home.  We were able to get a deal and spent 1/3 of what our alloted budget was for it.  We happened to do it online, but if we wanted to stand in line for it, that would be our business.

I also support spending money locally.  I love the idea of Small Business Saturday.  When I lived in Olympia, I used to go to Duck the Malls every year.  I found wonderful gifts which supported local artisans.  (It's coming up next weekend, so if you are in the area, check it out!)

Another thing I have started to consider is the tradition that some people enjoy.  My sister-in-law goes out with her sisters every year.  They love it.  They get to spend time together and enjoy eachothers company while saving money on gifts they will likely buy anyway.

My issue with Black Friday and Cyber Monday and the all of the consumerism that surrounds the holidays really boils down to a heart issue.  If you are buying things and spending money on a gift just because it's on sale, it doesn't make sense to me.  I promise you that people who love you would much rather have your time.  A couple of years ago, I gave my step-mom a hand made gift certificate for a date to afternoon tea at the Phoenician Resort in Phoenix, where she lives. Yes, in the end, I still spent money -- and I knew that it would be months before we would actually do it (it was May by the time I got to Phoenix).  But, that afternoon we spent together will forever be in our memories -- a bigger treasure than any material thing I could have purchased for that same price.
And, then there is the reality that despite our current economic situation, we are still the richest country in the world.  In the midst of cries of "we are the 99%", we still have managed to spend around $54 billion between Black Friday and Cyber Monday. 

To the rest of the world, we are the 1%.

These folks say it better than I ever could.  I've been trying to live by the Advent Conspiracy values for many years now.  I still give gifts.  I just approach it differently now. 

Eternally grateful

I did it again.  I quit.  Didn't follow through on my attitude of gratitude series.  I've thought about it every day and have indeed given thanks.  But, posting it here started to feel rote.  Trite.  Strained.  Not authentic (What is the opposite of authentic?  Oh yeah...fake).  I felt pressure to come up with something really profound (albeit the pressure was self-inflicted).  The truth is that there are days when I don't really feel very grateful for anything in particular.  And, yet, I am grateful for all that I have -- and I don't ever want that to come across as fake.  I'm grateful for the people in my life.  The roof over my head.  Our jobs.  The big and seemingly small ways that God provides for our family (although, they are never really small are they?).  The list goes on and on. 

Three years ago -- not to the exact date, but it was the Tuesday before Thanksgiving -- I got a call that changed everything.  Literally, in an instant, my whole world changed.  Forever.  It was the day that Madelyne came into our lives.  Born to drug addicted parents, she needed a home.  We didn't know if it would be for a little while or forever.  Turns out, it was for a little while, but she changed us forever.  I don't know if I can adequately put it into words.  The six months that she was with us were hard.  Anyone who's had a baby knows that it's hard, even under the most ideal circumstances.  Sleep deprivation makes you loopy.  Add to it the emotional roller coaster of dealing with social services and homestudies and bi-weekly visitations and it was a very stressful time in our lives.  But, it was also a very sweet time in our lives.  We were able to love this little girl -- and our friends and family loved her as well.  And, at that time, it's really all she needed.  She needed to feel loved and comforted and safe.  Deep in my heart, I know that it shaped who she is and will become.  I am eternally grateful for that, despite the crushing heartbreak I sometimes still feel that she is no longer with us.

It was easy to love Madelyne.  But, I was challenged - stretched - to love people that I didn't want to love.  To feel compassion for people that I didn't want to feel compassion for.  To be gracious, when I did not want to be gracious.  To forgive when I did not want to forgive.  And, in the midst of it all, to be a good example to my son, who was watching and learning. 

Today, my emotions are mixed.  I miss her.  I miss her a lot.  But, I am eternally grateful that I got to be her mom -- even if only for a little while.

Attitude of Gratitude - Day 15

A few days ago, on Veteran's Day, I pulled out a picture of my grandfather.  It was taken when he was just 18 or 19 years old.  I've always loved it.  He was always so special to me.  He's been gone 19 years and I still miss him every day.

Over the years, people have always said how much Jake looks like Lloyd.  And, he certainly does.  But, there are traits that I've often wondered where they came from.  His lips and mouth, for one.  And his eyelids are not like either one of ours either.  Then, the other day, when I was looking at the picture of my grandfather, it hit me..Jake looks like him in many ways

William "Franklin" Wallace

William "Jacob" Brown

Not the best picture of Jake, but I was trying to get one where he's not smiling huge, like he usually does.  And you can't see how blue Jake's eyes are in this picture. I don't look anything like my grandfather.  Maybe it's cheesy, but I'm thankful that Jake has Wallace traits.  

Attitude of Gratitude - Day 14

As someone who had battled SAD for many years, today is easy. And a picture is worth 1000 words. But I'll say it anyway. 71 degrees on November 14th. Perfection.

Attitude of Gratitude - Days 9-13

I have missed a few days of posting, but not from being grateful.  I made special note each day of what I wanted to make sure I expressed gratitude for:

Day 9:  The plans I originally had for Wednesday night fell through and Lloyd was out of town.  So, I took the opportunity to invite a friend over for dinner.  Her son is a friend of Jake's.  She and I met a few months ago during the 5th grade field trip and instantly connected.  We had a nice evening just chatting and enjoying one another's company.  I'm grateful for the opportunity to be spontaneous and make new friends. 

Day 10 - I spent a lot of time (years, really) being anxious about middle school.  I don't know what I was worried about because Jake is absolutely thriving.  Conferences were on Thursday and while I am very grateful for his report card and that he got on the honor roll.  He's obviously not perfect though and he has some areas that definitely need work.  But boiled down to one sentence, the feedback I received was that:  He's a confident, self-advocate who is hard-working, respectful and enthusiastic.  I couldn't really ask for more.  Many will say that it's a reflection of good parenting.  But, the truth is that we couldn't do it alone.  We really believe it takes a village and we are grateful for the friends, family, teachers and other influential adults that have taken an interest in Jake over the years.  I think you know who you are, so thank you for making a difference in his life.  And ours.

Day 11 - Friday was a near perfect day.  Lloyd has traveled a lot this year.  In fact, I figured it out and he's been gone about 20% of the time this year.  He came back from his last scheduled business trip of the year on Thursday night and Friday was a holiday.  We were able to have a restful day, with no real obligations. The icing on the cake was having his cousins over for dinner, one of whom he hadn't seen in 30 years.  We are so grateful to have been able to connect with long lost family members over the last couple of years.  They have added richness to our lives.

Day 12 - We are grateful for the new friends we've made here in DC.  We had some friends over for dinner on Saturday night.  It's amazing to think that we didn't even know these people a year ago and yet now, we cannot imagine them not being part of our lives.

Day 13 - We all woke up feeling under the weather on Sunday.  Even though I spent a good part of the day sleeping -- and I was not able to do the things I wanted to do, I am grateful that overall, we are all healthy.  There was a time when I wasn't sure if that would ever be our reality -- but it is and I couldn't be more thankful.

Attitude of Gratitude - Day 8

Jake takes piano lessons at the Levine School of Music which has classrooms at the Music Center at Strathmore.  It is a beautiful facility that attracts wonderful acts and upscale audiences.  Normally, Jake's lesson is at 4pm on Mondays but this week, we had to rearrange the schedule, so his lesson was tonight at 7:30.  My plan was to drop him off and sit in the car and do some work in the car while I waited.

Turns out there was an event at the Music Center.  The normal drop off area was blocked off for valet parking.  They let me drop off there, but I couldn't wait like I normally do.  I  had to circle around until I could find a parking spot.  This meant I had to walk and go into the Center with all of the people who were dressed to the nines to see a classical pianist.

Not the best day for me to wear yoga pants and slippers to piano lessons.  

Today, I'm thankful that I have a sense of humor.

Attitude of Gratitude -- Day 7

We have always tried to make a point of eating dinner together as a family as much as possible.  Our schedules are busy and Lloyd has traveled a lot -- particularly this year.  The other night, Lloyd was gone and Jake and I sat down to eat.  Jake asked me how my day was and wondered if there were any stories that I wanted to tell about work.  It made me realize that this family time together really does make a difference and he has learned to approach meal time with the attitude that it is a fellowship time, rather than just a time to eat.

Tonight, he had a lot to say.  Anyone who knows Jake isn't surprised by this -- he always has a lot to say.  But, he was sharing things about his day that were important.  We got to talk about life lessons that he was learning through some things that were going on at school.  And, he isn't completely self focused.  He always asks how our days were and wants to know what we did.  He even seems interested in our answers -- at least for now.

Someday soon -- a lot sooner than I like to think about -- it will only be Lloyd and I at the dinner table.  I cherish our family meal time and am very grateful for it.

Attitude of Gratitude - Day 6

I'm grumpy today. I hate falling back to standard time.

So, in light of that (pun intended), today I'm grateful for Daylight Savings Time.

Is it March yet?

Attitude of Gratitude-Day 5

Lately, I've been missing my friends in Washington State a lot. More than usual, I mean. I can't put my finger on why. Perhaps it's the time of year. Olympia was a great place to live and a great place to raise a family. We had wonderful friends and had traditions that we looked forward to every year. We loved the culture and the overall "feel" of the Northwest (although it's no secret that I was not a fan of the seemingly constant rain). I hesitate even putting it out there though because I don't want it to seem like we don't like it here. We do. But, it's different. The pace of life is faster. The people are different. The culture is all its own--as it should be! We didn't move to Olympia and instantly have a community. In fact, I moved to Olympia and grieved the life we left behind in Phoenix. It took time to build a network of trusted friends.

So today, I'm thankful for the life we lead in Olympia. The people and the community impacted us in a profound way. It has shaped the way that we pursue new relationships and traditions. And it has given us wonderful memories and a place that we can always call home.

Attitude of Gratitude - Day 4

Jake.

He makes me laugh every day with his incredible sense of humor.  He once told me that he wants to be Jim Carrey when he grows up.  He loves slapstick, physical humor but he can also be wickedly ironic and his sense of comedic timing is amazing. 

He also has the biggest heart of anyone I know.  He cares about people and their feelings.  He can't imagine why anyone would choose not to be nice.  He chooses to see the good in everyone, as best he can. 

He marches to the beat of his own drum.  Best of all, he's okay with that.  I will never forget the day he told me that he WANTS to be different -- that he's THAT kind of person.  

There are so many things that I am grateful for.  But, most of all, I'm grateful that he's happy...and that he isn't afraid to dance and sing and jump for joy.

Attitude of Gratitude

I am generally what you would call a "glass half empty" kind of person.  Recently, a friend quipped that it's not half empty -- it's just the wrong size glass.  And after some reflection, I think that actually nails it.  I think my glass is probably too big.  I expect too much from people.  Well...that's isn't exactly it either.  I WANT to expect more from people -- all the while knowing that the bar is too high (and yes, I realize it raises the bar for myself exponentially).  And so, it sets up a cycle of expectations and disappointments until I finally just start bracing myself to be disappointed in hopes that I will be surprised.  And, for the record, I often am.

These past couple of days, I have been noticing a lot of "I'm grateful for..." posts on my facebook feed.  And, as much as it pains me to say...I think it's a great idea.  You see, I'm not one to follow the crowd.  In fact, I tend to do the exact opposite of what the trend is.  While it would be easy (and perhaps entertaining) for me to post my pet peeve(s) of the day, I will spare you. 

My goal for this little project is to end the month with a clear picture that my glass is not half-empty.  And, it's not the wrong size.  It's actually a very large glass that overflows.

Since it's November 3rd, I'll start out with three

• I'm grateful for my niece Madison, who celebrated her 11th birthday yesterday.  She is a beautiful young lady, whom I have loved watching grow up.  I miss her and her family a lot.
• I'm grateful for my friend Darcy (for many reasons).  Today, it's because she gave birth to her son Cameron on this day, 11 years ago.  He has been a loyal friend to Jake and I love they have the kind of friendship that transcends the miles between them.  I miss him and his family a lot as well.
• Had I started this project on Nov 1st, this would have been my first post:  I'm grateful for my husband and that he loves me despite my short-comings.  I never dreamed I could have the kind of love we share.  In fact, I didn't even know it existed.

Keep posting those grateful-isms.  I love seeing the simple ways in which our glasses are filled. 

Awestruck

There are certain things I will never get tired of, living in the Nation's Capital.  Coming out of the Smithsonian metro station and turning around to see the Washington Monument is one.  Visiting the Lincoln Memorial will never get old.  And, I will always get teary when I see the World War II Memorial. 

But days like today make me feel like a kid on Christmas morning.

This morning, the President will be speaking about his jobs plan.  Right across the street from my office building.  We recieved an email yesterday saying that there would be traffic delays and the street would be closed to pedestrian traffic for a time.  I made an effort to get to the office a little earlier than normal and took a few minutes to survey the scene.  Dump trucks are strategically parked on the Georgetown Waterfront, facing the river.  A giant American flag is hung behind the podium.  Key Bridge provides a beautiful backdrop on a stunning fall morning.  The President's Own Marine Band is rehearsing.  The Secret Service is giving me the stink eye as I stand there with my mouth gaping open, taking a few pictures. 

It's moments like this that I try to take in and savor. These are experiences that very few people have.  It's not lost on me.  People around me are complaining about the President ruining their lunch plans.  But, I happen to think that it's pretty stinking cool that he'll be less than a block from my office entrance.

An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth leaves the whole world hungry and blind

I can't believe I live in a country that still allows capital punishment.

I can't believe I live in a country that carries out the death penalty on a person who very likely could be innocent.  I am against the death penalty in all cases, but Troy Davis' case has just left me dumbfounded and heartbroken.  I blogged recently about Casey Anthony and how our justice system isn't perfect and we don't always get it right.  I wondered then where the angry mobs of people were when an innocent person is prosecuted.  When an innocent person is put to death.  That is likely what happened last night in Georgia.  It crushes me to think about it. 

It's not that I don't think people should be held accountable for their actions.  I do.  But, I don't believe that the State should play God.  And, please don't point me to Leviticus 24:20 unless you are willing to follow the other 600 or so laws in the Old Testament.  And, don't tell me that his lawyers failed him because I believe that there were factors other than incompetant lawyers at play here (not the least of which is racism).  And, don't try to sell me on the fact that there is always collateral damage in war.  I've heard all of the arguments and there is no way I'll ever be convinced that capital punishment is okay. Especially in this case.

There was doubt in this case.  We are not 100% sure than he committed the crime.  Yes, I know he was convicted, but sometimes we get it wrong.  The jury members have admitted that if they knew then what they know now, they would not have voted to convict him.  And now he is dead.  And Mark MacPhail is still dead.  And, I don't believe there has been any justice in his murder.  And, it proves to me once again that the State cannot be trusted with capital punishment. 

It is worth noting that another man was executed last night in Texas.  The crime was heinous and there is no doubt that Lawrence Russell Brewer played a role in the hate crime again James Byrd, Jr.  And yet, the victim's own son objected, saying "you can't fight murder with murder".  Amen.

I believe in a just God and I know that He will deal with Troy Davis and Lawrence Russell Brewer accordingly.  It's my only comfort today.

I'm so busy!

It's been a long time since I've posted anything.  I've been writing, but nothing is ready to be posted yet.  There's a lot on my mind -- from my visit with my 91 year old grandmother in August, to a new baby in the family to embracing my new role of being the mother of a middle schooler.  It's all swirling in my mind right now.  "I'm so busy", I tell myself.  And, I hear it all the time from other people. 

Here's the truth:  We aren't THAT busy.  We are just busy with the things that we make a priority.  Yes, there are times when we are double booked or have a lot on our plate.  But, let's be real...most of it is stuff that we choose to put on our plate.  And, we make the time for the things that are at the top of our priority list.  How often do our plans change because something comes up that is higher on our priority list?  I tell Jake all the time that he has to prioritize.  Is piano a priority?  Then don't waste your time on video games (I'm sure he'll need therapy for all the times I have told him what an amazing pianist he would be if he spent 1/2 the time practicing that he does playing Xbox). And, he reminds me that sometimes we just need a break from all of our commitments and resting *is* the priority.  After all, God did it (Gen 2:2).  He sanctified it and made it holy (Gen 2:3)  And he commanded it (Deut 5:12).  Now, I don't want to make this a debate about what day the Sabbath is supposed to on be or how we are to observe it -- I use those verses merely to point out that rest is part of who we are as God created us.
 
Lloyd and I try really hard not to be "too busy" to just be in the moment.  We love to have a house full of people and now that we have a house that will fit more than 3 people in it, we long to just be able to spontaneously invite somebody over instead of planning it 3 weeks out.  Some of the best parties I've ever had are those that just "happened".  It's not that I think planning is bad...but when somebody invites me over for dinner and I tell them I'm busy until November, I think it speaks volumes about how important they are in my life.

When we lived in Olympia, we built a deck on the front of our house so that we could intentionally hang out in our neighborhood, engaging people as they passed by.  I remember one day last summer, I'd had a stressful day and just wanted to hang out with people.  I posted on Twitter and Facebook that I'd be out on the deck with margaritas and whoever wanted to drop by was welcome.  We had people on our deck late into the night -- talking, laughing & forging new friendships.

I've said before that I believe people have a desire to be known.  I also believe that we were created to be in community with one another.  God gave Adam a companion because it "is not good that the man should be alone" (Gen 2:18).  Our triune God did this (this was not an accident or an after-thought).  We are social beings -- we were not created to live behind a privacy fence and not engage in the world around us.  And the only way to get to know people in an intimate way -- a way that is condusive to long lasting relationships is to not be "too busy" to invite them over for dinner in the first place.  Invite somebody.  Get to know them.  Invest in them.  Make them a priority.  Your life will be richer because of it.

Life According to Jake

Every day, my son has something witty, wise or downright hilarious to say.  Instead of blowing up my Facebook feed with it, I though I'd just create a spot here.  Here is this morning's gem:

I have to preface it with telling you that recently, he has gotten very into "pop" music (much to the dismay of his parents...especially his dad).  This morning, he made the observation that much of the pop music he hears is just the same chorus over and over and over.  And ----

I like P!nk a lot better than Katy Perry because it seems like her songs actually say something important instead of just partying and falling in love.

And that, my friends, is Life According to Jake.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

I hate it when my mouth says something different than my brain is thinking.  It happens to me a lot.  I think it's why I prefer to write.  I can write and delete and edit and clarify...even after I've hit "publish".  But, sometimes when I talk, my words just don't come out right and I can't clarify what I mean.  And, then I clam up because I feel like I can't fix what's out there or how it's been perceived.  Then, I feel myself being judged and my fight or flight instinct kicks in.  As I've gotten older, I've tended more to the flight instinct. It's easier to run away than defend myself, even though I want to scream "That's not what I meant!".  The hard part is to not just keep running.

I think it all comes down to trust and acceptance.  I find it very difficult to trust people.  I don't know where that comes from, but it's there.  Where many people will trust until they are given a reason not to...I am the opposite.  I don't really trust anyone until they give me a reason to.  It's messed up, I know.  And, it makes it really hard to form relationships with people because everyone is going to let you down eventually.  Complicating matters is that I have this overwhelming desire to be accepted (ironic for a girl who takes a little bit of pride in being contrary).  But, I suppose we all do.  And, when I stick my foot in my mouth, I end up feeling on the outs.  Which I hate.

It would be so much easier if people could just see into my heart so I wouldn't have to rely on words to express what's really in there.

Oh, and happy birthday, Elvis.  Or something like that.

Ain't that America

Today is the one year anniversary of our arrival in Maryland. I decided to re-post the chronicle of our cross-country journey. I migrated this from the original blog that I started -- and I will probably repost several of the entries from that blog over here from time to time.  It was fun for me to read back through this.  I hope you enjoy it as well.

The last few months have been a whirlwind. The Reader's Digest version is that Lloyd accepted a job in Washington DC and we have moved to the 'burbs (!) in Maryland. Honestly the area of Maryland that we're in is still semi urban, but a little less so than we like.

Each day, I have a million different thought about what it is like to live here. Instead of bombarding my Facebook and Twitter friends with all of these random thoughts as they come to mind, I decided to try writing it all down. I'll start with the 5 day journey across our great country. We passed through 12 states, most of which I had never been to but had an opinion about anyway (that falls into the same category as "I was a great parent before I had kids").

Day One: Washington State
We left Olympia at around 4pm after watching Jake perform in the final CTE performance of the summer. The three of us piled into the Ford Focus, along with the dog and the cat and hit the road. First destination: Spokane.

 

It was a beautiful, summery day and Mt Rainier was majestic against the blue Northwest sky. Up to this point, the summer had been...well, rather winter-like. Either Washington was bidding us its finest adieu or it was mocking us. And, if you know me well, you know that I'm a glass half empty kind of person, so I am sure it was the latter.

 

We avoided a near collision on the 512 (note: brakes don't work as fast when you are hauling a trailer), but soon settled into a groove as we traveled over the mountains. We stopped at a rest area as the full moon rose over the wheat fields as the sun was setting. There it goes again...mocking us. I started to feel a tinge of sadness, but driving across Eastern Washington bought back memories of two young college students who had fallen in love and decided to make a go of it no matter what. We had the attitude that nothing could stop us...and here we were, 18 years later, on a grand adventure. It was exactly where we were supposed to be.

 

We spent the night in Spokane that night....learned that hotels often have a platform-like contraption under the bed and it's an excellent hiding place for a cat. We also discovered that making room for the dog's crate would be a necessity as her snoring kept me up much of the night.

 

Day Two: Idaho and Montana - Destination: Sheridan, WY

We learned on "How the States Got Their Shapes" that the Idaho panhandle used to be part of Washington and was given up in part because of the unruly gold diggers -- and the folks in Montana and Washington didn't want to deal with them, so they gave it to Idaho. In my opinion, this was a huge mistake because it is, without question, the most beautiful part of Idaho. Driving through Coeur D'Alene in the early morning was absolutely breathtaking. I looked forward to the trip through Montana though...I'd never been and I just knew that there would be part of me that wanted to just stop and stay forever.

Boy, was I wrong.

I was completely underwhelmed by Big Sky Country. I realize that I was on the interstate and there is much more of Montana to see, but it just wasn't what I expected. I guess I expected Colorado, which wasn't fair at all, given that a piece of my heart will always be in Colorado and nothing could ever measure up.

I will say that the funniest thing I saw on the trip was in Montana:

We also learned about Our Lady of the Rockies and that there are no trees in Big Timber.

Montana is a big state though and the last two hours were excruciating. We tried to play "I See Something", but there was nothing to see. We couldn't even find a house. I was so happy when we crossed into Wyoming that I wanted to get out of the car and do a happy dance.

Maybe it's because I'm married to a transportation dude, but I tend to notice the way that roads change when you cross into a different county or state. A perfect example is when you cross into King County from Pierce County and voila!...the freeway is smoother and there are suddenly HOV lanes. Well, the interstate in that part of Wyoming is pink. Mr. Transportation explained that the chip seal used to resurface roadways is often made from natural resources -- and Wyoming has an abundance of pink granite.

We spent Night 2 in a surprisingly nice and comfortable Best Western in Sheridan. It was a really nice little town -- reminded me of Cortez, CO (where I grew up). I didn't want to stay forever, but I can certainly see why people do.

Day 3 - Wyoming, South Dakota Destination: Sioux Falls
We left fairly early in the morning and after a very mediocre cup of coffee, I started to become aware that I hadn't seen a Starbucks since we left Spokane. Didn't mean they weren't there...just that they weren't on every corner. We were on our way to Mt. Rushmore for the only "touristy" part of our trek. The rest of Wyoming was beautiful and the public radio station was excellent. We left 1-90 to enter Mt Rushmore from the western Black Hills via Highway 16. This was where I saw the funniest political sign of the trip.

Sheriff Dudinski sounds like he should be on Reno 911, doesn't he?

The Black Hills were beautiful and I tried not to think about how it came to be that we acquired the land to build a monument such as Mt. Rushmore. But, it was amazing to see the sculpture. We didn't have as much time as we would have liked and it was hot -- thus making it necessary for one of us to stay at the car with the animals and trade-off touring the park. I really wish the National Park Service was more pet friendly -- and at least provide areas of access within the parks that are shaded and have water. But, I digress. I have to say that Mt. Rushmore was *smaller* than I pictured it. Most pictures that you see are close up and make it seem enormous. And, I don't mean to take anything away from how awesome it was when I say that. It just struck me in the same way that it struck me how ENORMOUS the Lincoln Memorial seemed the first time I saw it. The following pictures offer an example of what I'm talking about. I was under the impression that you could actually get as close as the first picture.

As we left Mt. Rushmore, we made our way back to I-90 via Keystone and Lloyd remarked that he was glad we hadn't entered this way as it would have somehow cheapened the experience. Keystone is a strange little tourist town that reminded me of Gatlinburg, TN. I don't get why you need go-karts to entertain yourself when you are surrounded by such natural beauty. But, that's just me. And, I'm probably wrong because Keystone appears to do quite well without me and my opinion. I will say though that a great retirement project would be to open up a pet sitting operation here.

We were getting hungry, but decided to wait another hour or so until we got to Wall. Everyone (including signs that had started to appear a good 100 miles back) told us that we had to stop at Wall Drug. So that was next on our list. Oh. My. Goodness. I don't even know where to begin with that place. To be fair, it's typical for me to decide I don't like something just because everyone else does. I'm contrary that way. I can see why people go there, but I also think it was a giant waste of our time and I'll just leave it at that.

Back on I-90....remember what I said about the state of roads being different everywhere? Well, in South Dakota, interstate is awful. They have lots of signs about construction and the freeway was often reduced to one lane for miles on end, but we never actually saw any work being done. It was really annoying. In fact, I was starting to get annoyed with the entire day when I passed a sign that read "Entering Central Time Zone". WHHHHAAAAAAAAAT?! I was certain that we would not enter Central Time Zone until we left South Dakota (even though Jake tried to tell me otherwise). So, this excruciatingly long day just got longer. We finally arrived in Sioux Falls and were treated to the BEST hotel swimming pool ever at the Best Western Ramkota Hotel. I seriously considered just staying here another day, but we didn't have time. Sioux Falls is another really nice town. I wish we could have spent some time exploring.

Day 4 - Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana Destination: South Bend
The states got much closer together after South Dakota. It felt like we were making more progress by ticking off more states in a day. Minnesota was beautiful. It was here though that we happened upon the most ill-advised business name I can ever recall:

Clearly, I did not take this picture -- I wasn't quick enough with the camera, but a quick google search showed that I'm not the only one who was entertained by it. And, it's one of those things that you have to see in order to get the full impact.

One of the things I loved about Minnesota was the wind farms. They are just amazing to see.

This is one of those instances where I can so clearly see that God is the greatest scientist. He gave us the wind and the brains to figure out how to use it to sustain a healthier planet. It may be cheesy, but it really gives me goose bumps to think about.

Minnesota is also the state where I realized how much corn is in this country.

Honestly THERE IS SO MUCH CORN. 

One of my favorite parts of the trip was crossing the Mississippi River. It was almost like a turning point. We were definitely not in the West anymore, which was a little bit bittersweet for this West Coast girl. I was driving as we drove into Wisconsin and John Denver was on the iPod, reminding me of growing up in Colorado and more specifically, my grandfather. He's been gone for almost 18 years and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and miss him. This particular song, "On the Road" brought back a very vivid personal memory of me with my grandfather -- and it also was very appropriate to our journey at the moment. I wondered what my grandfather would think of all of this and if he would be proud of me.

It was about this point in the trip when I realized that ever since we had crossed into roughly South Dakota that there was an abundance of Go-Kart rentals places and water parks. No commentary there...just an observation.

When I was planning the trip, it never occurred to me to think of when we might arrive in Chicago...the biggest city we had encountered so far (our route didn't even take us through Seattle). And, we managed to hit the Windy City right at rush hour. And, the traffic was just as horrendous as you would imagine. Lloyd was driving -- thank goodness -- and he did a great job of maneuvering in the traffic and staying calm. I would have been freaking out. I could not wait to get to South Bend.

Which brings us to South Bend.

First of all, the time changes just before you get there. So, once again, we had an hour tacked on to an already long day. So it was almost 9pm and we were all hungry. I have a friend who lives there and she recommended a place to eat, so I typed the address into Google maps and it took us a very long and convoluted way. And when we got there, the restaurant was closed. For three weeks. Oh yeah...it's a college town in July. So, we decided to just go to the hotel and figure out food later. Again, we typed the address into Google maps and it took us to the wrong part of town...in every sense of the word. We were lost and my dear, sweet husband stopped to ask directions. Which is great, right? I mean, most men don't like to ask for directions. No. Not in this part of town with bars on windows while we are driving a car with out-of-state plates and hauling a U-Haul trailer. I really thought this was where it was all going to end. By the grace of God, we made it to our hotel, which still didn't look like the greatest part of town, but it was clean and there weren't bars on the windows so we decided to just make a go of it. Lloyd went out to get some food and Jake and I started to settle in. That was when the baby next door started screaming. I promptly went and asked for another room, which I was graciously granted. Lloyd came back with dinner from a Greek/barbeque joint (I know, right?) and since Mr. Picky Pants won't eat much, Jake got a hot dog. Within minutes of finishing it, he was complaining of not feeling good and spend the night running to and from the bathroom.

On the way out-of-town the next morning, we stopped at Walgreen's for 3 things that spell nightmare for a road trip: Saltines, Ginger Ale and Children's Immodium. We also finally found a Starbucks. Honestly, I'm not a huge fan of Starbucks coffee. But, there is something really comforting about walking in and feeling like you could be "home". I think that's the secret of places like Starbucks and McDonald's...there's something to be said for consistency.

When we were leaving, I googled South Bend and found comments like "South Bend is like Detroit without the charm". Who knew? To be fair, the little bit we saw of the Notre Dame campus was beautiful, but I recommend sticking to campus and the immediate surrounding neighborhoods if you ever find the occasion to go there.

Day 5: Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania and Maryland
This is where we were on turnpikes almost the entire way, so all we experienced were the rest areas. And, they aren't really "rest areas" like I have ever experienced. They are like mini strip malls with gas stations and food courts. It's really bizarre, but efficient. There's nothing worse than exiting a freeway to get gas and having to drive a mile. I'm sure there's some kind of sociological experiment that you could conduct at these places - you see all walks of life. I mean everyone has basic travel needs -- gas, bathroom, food....but in places where you have more choices there is probably a rhyme and reason to why people choose what they choose on the road. Here, you have everyone all lumped together. The strangest thing I witnessed was a customer telling the guy at Sbarro that the slices were too big and that if he ate a whole slice he would fall asleep on the road, so he was going to go to McDonald's instead. Oooohkay.

We crossed into PA and a friend of my on Facebook said that the Pennsylvania Turnpike was the most depressing road in America. He was right. I can't really put my finger on why though. We had a bathroom emergency (remember the hotdog?) and didn't know when the next rest stop was (although PA doesn't have the same fancy rest areas that Ohio has). We managed to find an exit but could not find a gas station. Instead we stopped at a Super 8 Motel which looked practically deserted. When we drove up, there was a woman (the manager, perhaps?) and a maintenance man sitting on the bench outside smoking. They were very gracious and said we could use the bathroom. The woman guided Jake and I up a flight of back stairs and entered a room that had been completely cleared out, save for a few chairs lined up against the wall. She opened the bathroom door and said to me "you probably want to go in with him". That sort of freaked me out, but I opted to just wait outside the door. When we were leaving, we saw a woman in the parking lot pushing a shopping cart and there were no cars to be seen anywhere. We wondered where she came from and where she was going. I told Lloyd I felt like we were at the Bates Motel.

It felt as though we drove downhill the entire way through PA. The turnpike was very narrow and had a lot of construction going on (once again, Lloyd drove and I was very glad). At one point, I looked up the elevation only to find the highest elevation in the whole state was 3200 ft. But, down we went. As we approached the Maryland state line, there was a sense of anticipation in all of us...and as we passed the "Maryland Welcomes You" sign, the iPod was playing "Hello Goodbye" by the Beatles. So fitting (and not at all planned).

So here we are. In a new and different place, experiencing new and different things. We plan to explore the area as much as we can. I plan to use this blog to chronicle those experiences or just the random thoughts that I have. Thanks for sharing the journey with us.

The difference a year makes

One year ago today, we set out on one of the biggest adventures of our lives.  We are no strangers to change.  We have always gone where the wind blew us and in the 18 years we've been married, the longest time we'd ever stayed at one address was 5 years.  But, this was a huge change.  We'd been in the Olympia area for almost 9 years - it was the only home that Jake had ever known.  Lloyd had been with the Department of Transportation for that long as well.  We had family nearby, friends that were like family, a fantastic neighborhood and a church that we loved.  We had traditions.  In short, we had a great life and it would have been easy to stay in Olympia forever.  But, when the job opportunity presented itself, Lloyd and I knew that it was something we couldn't pass up. 

When we were first married Lloyd was a newspaper reporter.  He worked at a group of weekly newspapers in Kitsap County.  He's a good writer and was a fantastic reporter.  He had what it took to go far and I always pictured him working for a paper like the Washington Post or the New York Times.  We'd been married about 2 years when he was offered job at the daily newspaper in Twin Falls, Idaho.  A daily newspaper.  It was the mother lode for a young reporter.  I loved Twin Falls and thought that it was a no brainer to move there.  We flew out for the interview and got the grand tour.  Then, when we returned...I don't know what happened, but I got cold feet.  I told him I didn't want to go and the short version of the story is that we didn't go.  We ended up selling everything we owned and moving to Phoenix where life certainly took a very different path than it would have if we'd moved to Twin Falls.  Deep in my heart, I knew that Lloyd always regretted not taking that job.  And, I regretted it too because I knew that if I hadn't said anything, we would have gone.  So, when this job came up -- I knew that this was another moment like that.  A once in a lifetime chance.  Our realtor came over and gave us the grim news that there was no way we could sell our house without it costing us tens of thousands of dollars.  But, we decided that we weren't going to let that be the reason we didn't go.  We would rent the house.

People would ask me how I knew that we were doing the right thing and the only thing I could say was that there was literally no opposition.  Every time we began to hit a speed bump, solutions just fell into our lap.  Doors flew open right and left.  Everything just fell into place.  And, on July 24, 2010, we set out on our cross country trip -- with no idea what to expect. 

One year later -- there are certainly things that I miss.  Our friends and family top the list, of course. We miss our neighborhood and our house. I miss the beauty of the Pacific Northwest -- the mountains and the water.  I miss the traditions that we had -- the comfort of just knowing the area. We've lived in the Northwest longer than we've ever lived anywhere and it's home.  But, we are slowly beginning to feel at home here. 

We have family here -- Lloyd's cousin, who he had not seen in 25 years, lives just 15 minutes away.  We have loved building a relationship with her and her husband.  Lloyd loves his job.  Jake has had amazing opportunities -- he's thriving in school and has a wonderful piano teacher. We've found a church that we love and are building relationships with people that I know will always be part of our lives.  We've been able to do things that I never thought we would do.  We have a wonderful tenant -- who happens to be a dear friend of ours -- so we hardly worry about our house.  We are probably less stressed than we have been in years.  And life is good.

It's amazing the difference a year makes. 

Loving the unlovable

There's a character in The Secret Life of Bees that I relate to.  May Boatright is a complicated personality. Highly sensitive to the pain of others, she carries the weight of the world in her soul.  She built a wailing wall in her backyard and goes there when she is upset.  I often joke that I need a wailing wall of my own.

A few years ago, I started praying that God would break my heart for the things that break His.  It's one of those "be careful what you ask for" prayers because sometimes the pain of the world and the people around me are crushing.  I'm not meaning to sound dramatic and I'm certainly not going to drown myself in a river over the things that weigh on my mind and heart, but sometimes it is exhausting.

For several weeks, I have been exhausted by the Casey Anthony trial and discussion surrounding it.  Let me first be very clear -- my personal feeling is that she probably had something to do with her daughter's death.  But, our justice system is one that puts the burden of proof on the prosecution -- everyone is innocent until proven guilty.  It is my personal belief that the jury took their job and the instructions given to them about reasonable doubt very seriously.  And, I suspect this case will haunt them forever.  I was obviously not in the courtroom and did not watch the trial on television, but I do know that there was never a cause of death determined.  I don't know how a person can be convicted of murder when there is no cause of death.  All of the evidence was circumstantial and as unfair as that may seem at times like this, a person simply cannot be convicted of a crime based on circumstantial evidence.  How incredibly ironic it was that this verdict came down just hours after we gathered together in communities across this country to celebrate the Declaration of Independence and the freedoms that we enjoy as a result of that historical document.  How often do we hear of innocent people being held prisoner in other countries because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time.  We often regard those countries as barbaric and backwards. Our judicial system is not perfect and I believe that sometimes criminals go free on technicalities or by lack of evidence.  We are right be enraged at the injustice of it all, but at the same time, innocent people often spend years -- decades -- even lifetimes -- in prison. Where is the outrage when it's discovered that somebody has been wrongly convicted of a crime? What about when we discover, after it's too late, that somebody was put to death for a crime they did not commit?  Where are the mobs of chanting people then? And then I wonder why Caylee Anthony's story gripped the nation and stories like Christian Choate's don't spark a greater public outrage (I'm not saying that there isn't outrage...just that it didn't make the news cycle in the same kind of way).  Believe me, my soul aches for what Caylee endured at the hands of somebody she trusted.  But, that's not the only thing that makes my heart heavy.

In the days and weeks that have followed the shocking verdict, I think that the most disturbing things I have heard is professing Christians saying things like "I hope she burns in hell".  Often they are the same kinds people who attend evangelical churches and wear WWJD bracelets.  Really,  I do not think  that Jesus would say, "I hope she burns in hell". In fact, I am 100% certain that He would not say that.   The reality is, if you are a Christian, you believe that Jesus came to save us from a destiny just like that.  It is the very basis for why we worship Jesus.  On Sundays, we lift up our hands and praise Him for the work that he did on the cross.  A work that, in a very uncomfortable way, looks a lot like the picture of Casey Anthony leaving the jail in the dark of the night.  Guilty.  And yet set free.  Now, I realize there are fundamental differences -- not the least of which is that nobody has paid the price for the crime that was committed.  It can be argued that many have paid a price.  But, for the crime itself, nobody has been held accountable.  And, I think that is what outrages people the most. 

But my point is this:

As Christians, we are called to love God and love others as much as we love ourselves (Mark 12:28-31).  And, if only we could live up to those two seemingly simple commandments, we would not have situations like babies being found dead in a swamp. But at the same time, wishing somebody eternal damnation in hell is just something that my heart cannot even fathom.  Because I think that if you really believe in hell -- and you really take the words of Jesus seriously as He calls His followers to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:16-20), then you would be on your knees praying for Casey Anthony's soul.  Because if you look back at that verse in Mark -- Jesus doesn't command us to just love the loveable neighbors. He just simply said we are to love our neighbors.  And by neighbors, He meant everybody.

I don't even know how to end this post because it's so complicated.  I don't even know why I feel so compelled to post this in the first place.  I know how I feel, but I don't have any answers -- especially for people who don't believe what I believe about Jesus and God and Heaven and hell. What I can tell you is that I believe that God's heart breaks for what happened to Caylee.  But, I also believe that He grieves for the way that people who claim to be His followers behave in the aftermath of such a tragedy.  We must think before we speak...because I think that our words reflect the state of our hearts (Luke 6:45).  And, we cannot testify to a God of forgiveness and love if our words are hateful...about anyone.

Beautiful stories....continued

I haven't posted in a while.  I am writing about a couple of things -- hard things -- and the thought of posting them for everyone to read fills me with fear.  I said it in my first blog post...you won't always agree with me.  The challenge to my readers was to accept differences of opinion for what they are -- differences.  I hope to overcome my fear of rejection soon and get these thoughts out of my head, but in the meantime, I read this blog, "Finding God on an Airplane" and all I could think was YES!  This is exactly what I was talking about in my last blog post.  This is exactly why we should ask people how they are.  This is exactly why we should really care how people are.   People want to be known...they want their stories to be heard. 

Ask somebody how they are.  Really listen to their story.  It will change your life.

Beautiful Stories

I am obsessed with stories.  I'm not talking about books....although I do enjoy a good book (if only I had the attention span to read one).  I'm talking about sitting down and hearing somebody tell their story - learning about their life and the experiences that make them who they are.  It's not something I have always known how to do -- nor did I always understand the value of knowing somebody's story.  Knowing a person's story gives you deep insight into who they are and how they react to situations. 

Let me give you an example.  I avoid baby showers.  It's not that I don't like the idea of a baby shower or that I don't like babies.  And, my hesitance to attend them has nothing to do with the person who is pregnant.  People who know my story know exactly why I avoid them.  I didn't get to have a shower with my own baby.  He was premature and I was sick and he was actually born 2 days before my shower was scheduled.  I didn't resent not having one per se, but I did feel cheated.  Not cheated of gifts, but cheated of a "normal" pregnancy with all of the normal things that go along with it.  Later, we had a foster baby.  She was our neice and we took her home from the hospital and loved and cared for her for 6 months as if she was our own baby.  Again, while she was (and is) a blessing to us, it was a very difficult time in our lives.  Baby showers bring all of those feelings to the forefront.  So, I'm not a scrooge.  I avoid baby showers out of respect for the expectant mother -- because inevitably, I cry.  And, baby showers are not a time to cry. 

Recently, I was in the nail salon.  Normally, I take my iPhone and listen to music while I'm getting a pedicure.  It's sort of my zone out time.  This particular day, I left my phone in my car and didn't realize it until my feet were already in the water.  I despaired over it for a moment and then picked up a magazine.  I began to listen to the people talking around me.  Next to me was a woman who was probably in her 70's.  The woman giving her pedicure commented on how long it had been since she'd been in.  She began to talk about the chemotherapy and radiation treatment that she'd been receiving for breast cancer.  As I listened to this conversation, I realized that these two women had known eachother for a long time.  They talked about their kids and the pedicurist's recent trip to Vietnam.  There was silence for a moment and suddenly the pedicurist asked the woman, "Are you scared?"  She answered "no -- it just is what it is" and went on to describe her faith and why she was not afraid of death.  When she left, the women hugged and she said "I'll see you in 3 weeks".  I marveled at this relationship.....one that exists only in a chair in a salon.  These are people so different that they only met by chance and would never be friends outside of this scenario.  And yet...they know intimate details about eachother's lives.  They talk about faith and give eachother advice.   This only happens because they have both shared their stories with eachother.  And, through telling those stories, they have developed a trust in eachother.  It's beautiful.

Knowing your own story is even more important.  It sounds strange to say -- because who knows our story better than us?  But, there are things about all of our lives that shape who we are and how we respond  -- and sometimes I think that we don't even acknowledge them.  I think it's important to process the experiences in our lives and share them in appropriate ways.  I've relied heavily on this as I've moved to a new area and made new friends.  While I try to be somewhat of a chameleon and blend into situations, I strive to listen to what people are saying.  Many people are guarded at first meeting, but I have become amazed at what you find out by asking the simple question, "What is your story?".  When you are genuinely interested in listening to people, they will share with you amazing things.  And, you quickly learn that everyone is amazing in their own way.  Nobody's life is mundane or boring.  And in listening to these stories, you learn that people are trust-worthy (or aren't!) and good (or not!) -- and how to respond to them.

When we first moved here, Jake had no interest in sports at all.  But, after school started, I noticed that he started asking questions about football.  He wanted to watch and learn about the game.  We realized that he had been listening to other boys talk at lunch.  He figured out that football was important to them and so he was learning about it so that he could participate in the discussions.  He didn't care about football as much as he cared about being able to connect with people.  What an amazing thing to understand at his young age!  But, it's something we can all learn to do...we just have to want to. 

I've recently been dealing with a stressful situation that nobody in my current context (besides Lloyd) can relate to -- because they don't know the story -- they didn't live it with us.  I've had to reach out to friends who are far away to talk about it and process it.  It feels so good to know that somebody KNOWS you -- that you can pour out your heart to a friend who knows your story and they will understand you.  It's like going home.  I long to develop those types of relationships in my new home...but they will inevitably be centered around things that we experience here and now.  Our experiences are what connect us - but we have to be willing to share and to listen.

There is a saying that "God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason".  It's cliche but it's true!  Try asking somebody about their story and really listen.  You will be amazed at what you hear, because I really believe that all people want is someone to listen. 

Thoughts on Father's Day

I've been thinking about a Father's Day post for a few days.  Several different things have run through my head on how I wanted to present my thoughts.  I have written, erased, edited and walked away from this post for a couple of days now.  In the end, I think it's just impossible for me to put into words the feelings I have because I don't think it will do justice or properly honor the men in my life who have been examples of great dads.

Relationships are complicated.  But, I really do believe that in most cases, people do the best they can with what they have to work with.  Sometimes, it's not much.  Parenthood does not come with a manual.  The only thing we know about being parents is what we learned from our own experiences.  How those experiences inform our own parenting varies from person to person.

My son has an amazing dad.  He is teaching Jake how to be a man -- that it's important to work hard and provide for your family -- but to never put your work ahead of your family.  He has shown him that it's okay to take risks.  It's okay to make mistakes as long as you learn from them.  He shows him how to treat women in the way that he loves and shows affection for me.  Most importantly, he loves God and is teaching Jake to follow Jesus.  And, the thing is that Jake really has no idea that not all dads are this way.  And, that's okay.  He will someday -- and hopefully it will result in a continuation of the cycle.

I got a call this morning that my own dad was admitted to the hospital last night.  He has a bad heart and has some tests run to figure out what is going on.  My dad and I have not always had the best relationship, but we have come a long way over the years.  I love him with all my heart and he knows it.  I haven't always been good at telling him, but I have tried to make sure that I do it as often as I can now because you never know when you might not have another chance.

I know most people told their dads they loved and appreciated them today.  Keep telling them.

 Happy Father's Day to all of the amazing dads out there.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end...

 First day of Kindergarten

Last day of 5th Grade

Life according to Jake

I had one of those days.  You know the ones....when everything and everyone irritates you....for no reason at all.   I woke up tired and cranky and from the moment I got out of bed, nothing seemed to go right.  Things that I normally wouldn't get worked up about -- well, let's just say I made mountains out of mole hills all day.  I can point to several reasons why the day went like it did. Lloyd's out of town and I don't sleep well when he's gone. Tomorrow is Jake's last day of elementary school, which is pretty emotional for all of us.  I managed to unintentionally make somebody angry the other day and even though I have apologized (twice), I think they are still mad and it's still weighing on me.  I just feel a little defeated by life today.  All day, I kept thinking of things I would blog about -- and they mostly centered around how irritating and stupid I think people can be.  Lloyd and I have a saying, "Some days you eat the bear, some days the bear eats you".  Today, I got eaten by the bear.

And, then I was going through Jake's backpack, full of all of the items from his desk at school.  I came across a composition notebook that had "warm up journal" written on the front.  His teacher would ask a question and they would have to answer it as a writing exercise.  There were questions like "What was the coolest thing you did this summer?" and "What was your favorite part of the weekend?".  Reading them brought back memories of our trip across country last summer and going to see various museums on the weekends when we first moved here (and had fewer commitments than we do now!).  But, then there were things I learned about him from questions like "If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?".  Jake answered:  "I only wish I had one more year to see my family and friends" (back in Washington State).  I learned that if he had one superpower, it would be to be invisible so that he could sneak out of the house.  I learned that he would like to invent a dog trampoline and he'd like to get into the Guinness Book of World Records by producing the longest running cartoon ever.  I discovered that his favorite thing to do in the snow is stay inside because his ears freeze too quickly and he's worried about Diptheria.  Whatever that means.  I learned that he thinks he's apathetic about soccer. If he had one billion dollars he would save his money and get a job.  If he could have any job, it would be a classical composer.  If he was to go to a deserted island, he would bring a box of candy, a bottle of sprite an Xbox 360 with a game and controller, his best friend Cameron, his 2nd grade picture and Lola (our dog).  I learned that his favorite thing about spring is Easter because we celebrate the resurrection of Jesus Christ.  I learned that he thinks that Jayson Werth needs to learn to catch a ball.  And, then there was this:

Describe your dream house.

His response was "Really, I don't have a dream house.  I like where I live".

And all of a sudden, all of the things I have been irritated about all day just seemed so silly.  Instead of complaining about all of those things, I needed to stop and count my blessings.  My life is full of them.  But, the biggest one of all is my sweet, smart, handsome, witty, insightful son who teaches me something every day.